Dating Abroad: The Good, The Hard & The Unexpected

Dating abroad sounds exciting - and sometimes it is. Cue the rom-com moment where two people fall in love in a beautiful destination despite cultural differences or living in different countries.

But like most things in this lifestyle, it’s more complicated than people expect.

I’ve lived abroad for 15 years, and I spent about 7 of those years dating. For context, I’m cisgender and straight. From around 2010 - 2017, I experienced dating across cultures, timelines, and constant transitions. And it’s shaped the way I think about relationships in ways I never expected.

I’d like to share some of those experiences, and hopefully offer a few thoughts that might be helpful, whether you’re considering dating abroad or even navigating dating in your home country.

The Idea vs Reality

Like most things in this lifestyle, the idea and the reality don’t always match. When I first moved to Cairo in 2010, I experienced a kind of freedom I hadn’t known before. Nobody knew who I was, which meant there were no expectations placed on me. I was far from my friends and family - it was an opportunity to really come into my own and define who I was.

While I did go on a few casual dates with Egyptian men, I found the cultural barriers difficult to navigate. Many of the men I met were Muslim and had strong expectations from their families to marry within their religion.

This isn’t entirely different from what people experience in their home countries, but the divide felt significant. It felt like something I couldn’t realistically overcome in a long-term relationship. After all, I couldn’t change my cultural identity.

That said, I do know American women who chose to convert to Islam in order to marry their partners. So it’s not impossible - but it does highlight how complex cross-cultural relationships can be.

The Hard Part: Timing & the Transient Lifestyle

In my first experience with online dating, I met a British man who was also a teacher. This turned into one of the most important relationships in my life. We dated for a couple of years.

But one of the hardest parts of international dating is the transient lifestyle.

At one point, he accepted a job in Thailand. I was faced with a choice: move with him and figure out my career once I arrived, or stay focused on building my own path. I chose to accept a teaching job in Chengdu, China, and we decided to try long distance.

We made it work for almost a year. But, as many of you know, long distance is hard! It starts to feel like you’re living two separate lives, constantly trying to meet in the middle. We traveled often to see each other, but it wasn’t enough. Eventually, we parted ways.

The good thing about this lifestyle is that we were able to stay friends for several years afterward. I think we both wanted it to work, but we ultimately couldn’t align in the same place at the same time. When we were both eventually living in Bangkok at the same time, we found that we had grown into different people.

Sometimes it’s not about whether something is right. It’s about whether it fits into your life at that moment.

Dating Abroad Can Be Fun (and Light)

Because of that on-and-off again chapter, I didn’t really date much during my time in Chengdu.

But when I moved to Bangkok in 2014, dating started to feel exciting again.

I joined Tinder (not as a hookup app, but as a dating app… it was a different time!) and met some genuinely kind and interesting people. I always went on dates without expectations. My mindset was: maybe I’ll make a new friend.

That shift made the whole experience feel lighter, and honestly, more enjoyable.

The Reality No One Talks About

I will also say that as an American woman, dating in Southeast Asia can be challenging. To be blunt, many men there are not necessarily looking to date Western women.

There are also broader cultural dynamics at play. It’s common, for example, to see older Western men with younger Asian women. I’m not making a judgment here, it’s simply part of the reality in some places.

These dynamics can shape your experience in ways you might not expect, and they can also affect how you see yourself within the dating world abroad.

What Dating Abroad Teaches You

What I did gain from dating abroad was clarity. Being in a completely new environment gave me the freedom to step outside of old patterns and expectations. I learned more about what I actually wanted, and what I didn’t.

There’s also something freeing about being in a new environment. You’re not tied to old expectations or old versions of yourself. You have the freedom to meet new people, try different approaches, and really figure out what you want in a partner.

You also learn a lot about how different cultures express love and communication. That, to me, is one of the most interesting parts.

When It Works

You might be wondering why I only dated for about 7 of my 15 years abroad. The answer is my biggest love story.

One day in Bangkok, someone “super liked” me on Tinder. (At the time, this felt like a big deal - you only got one per day!)

We started chatting. He was from Michigan and also a teacher. We had mutual friends, but had somehow never met.

Winter break was coming up, and he wanted to meet before I traveled home. The only night that could work, I already had plans: a wine and cheese night with coworkers. So I invited him along… and was slightly surprised when he said yes. Our first date was a little awkward, being surrounded by my friends who were quietly assessing him, but it was fun. (Wine always helps!)

While I was home for Christmas, I got a call from an unknown number. It was him, calling just to wish me a Merry Christmas.

When I returned to Bangkok, we went on more dates.

To be honest, it took me a while to feel certain about him. (He’ll tell you he was sure from the beginning - again, probably the 🍷!)

Looking back, I think I was hesitant because of everything I had experienced before: the goodbyes, the uncertainty, the transient lifestyle. I wasn’t sure if something stable was actually possible.

But it was.

What made things easier is that he’s also an international teacher. That meant we could align our timelines and apply for jobs together. We became a teaching couple, which comes with its own set of benefits (and challenges… maybe a future blog post!)

He proposed in Bangkok. We moved to Beijing together, and now we’re living in Chennai, with two adopted Indie street dogs as part of our little family. While we grew up geographically pretty close to each other (just one state and one great lake between us), it’s crazy to think about how we met halfway across the world. For the first time, I felt like I could build a relationship with someone I truly loved and still have the overseas life I wanted.

Our 2 Indie street dogs on the day we brought them home. ❤️ Pooh (flower in Tamil) and Kokila (nightingale in Tamil).

What I’ve learned:

– Stay open-minded, but don’t add pressure - think of it as meeting a potential friend
– Don’t rush because of timelines
– Don’t ignore red flags just because you’re abroad
– Stay safe - the same rules apply anywhere
– Enjoy the experience without forcing outcomes

If you’re interested in hearing more perspectives, there’s a Facebook group called International Single Teachers. It’s also a great way to meet people. Staying active in your new community - through classes, clubs, or hobbies you genuinely enjoy - is also one of the best ways to meet both friends and potential partners. I have made lifelong friends through practicing yoga at various destinations I’ve lived in.

Final Thoughts

Looking back, I don’t think dating abroad just changed the way I approached relationships. I think it changed the way I understood myself. Dating abroad isn’t always easy, but it changes you.

It teaches you about others, about yourself, and about what it means to build connection in a life that’s constantly moving.

And maybe that’s the point.

Until next time - keep saying yes to the adventure.